I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
