Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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