ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
