put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
