I wanna passion pit in your ass
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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