Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
