I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
why do cheetos always look like penises
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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