I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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