so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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