im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
