So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
