So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
false alarm. still invincible.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
