its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
