why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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