So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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