i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
