I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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