Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
