please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
