girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
