His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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