You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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