he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
