i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
