I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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