When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
