So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My vagina is officially offended.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
