where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
