shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
