Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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