either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
