shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
