He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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