i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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