I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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