What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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