we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
