careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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