Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize