If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
