and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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