you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
