bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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