holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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