You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
