You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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