No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
