We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
