She said her name was "party"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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