so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
