I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
