She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
