That's intense
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
