Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
