So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize