lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
