Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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