I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
