Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
