i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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