He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
