Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
