You smell like stripper and shame
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
