Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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