You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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