my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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