Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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