I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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