Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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