dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
