I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
