Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
