dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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