I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
