i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
