I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
