he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
