Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
