i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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