You can't motorboat a personality
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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