Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
