So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
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Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
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Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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