you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
