If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
